Looking at my baby boy sleeping peacefully during his nap really got me to thinking about my parenting style and how that will affect our little ones down the road. You see, I have to confess, I am an "its all black and white, right or wrong, listen to me the first time or you will get swatted" kind of parent. I'm a stickler for obedience-quick obedience which almost always leads me to getting more frustrated than I should when Bennett misbehaves. I sometimes worry that I'm not kind or gentle enough. I worry that I don't spend enough time holding, rocking, singing to, reading to and loving on my babies. I worry that I spend too much time being strict with them and not enough time indulging them. (Don't get me wrong, ice cream every day will never be okay, but once a week-maybe?) I have so many things I want for our children, and probably just as many that I don't. Most of all, I want them to grow up to love the Lord, but I also want them to be competent, intelligent, kind, humble, beautiful (on the inside) people that contribute to the world. The hard part though...how do I parent these children in a way that they grow up to be those people? Is my strict nature going to lead to hard hearted people that can only see black and white? Will my desire for immediate obedience grow adults that are obedient to a fault? Will my own faults (being quick to anger, wearing my emotions on my sleeves,) lead to children and later on adults that function the same way? I tire myself when thinking about how my reactions/decisions etc. will help to shape my children into the people they will be one day.
So, I want to be more intentional in how I parent. I want to be conscious of how I react to things and how that influences our kids. I want to learn how to better communicate with Kyle so our children learn to be good communicators. I want to learn to allow myself to fail without beating myself up about it so our children can learn to do the same. I want to teach Amelia that weight is not directly proportionate to beauty. I want to teach Bennett to be kind. I want to be more kind, more gentle, more loving, more caring, more compassionate. These little humans that the Lord has blessed me with are only mine for a short time. Someday, when I get to heaven, I want the Lord to say to me "well done, good and faithful servant" for how we raised our children. They are the greatest gifts we will ever receive other than our salvation, and I hope that I can help grow them in a way that would make the Father proud.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
School Doesn't Teach You How to be a Parent.
Lately I have been wishing there was a mandatory class you have to take before becoming a parent. We have recently been getting into the "discipline-woes" as I like to call them. With SO much text out there on parenting and discipline, you have to wonder: "Where do I start?!!" We began our journey of learning how to discipline Bennett by just winging it. It didnt take us long to learn that our strong-willed, hard-headed, and very independent (almost 21 month old) wasnt responding to what we were doing. We were at a loss as whether or not to spank, to explain to him what he did wrong, to give choices, etc. We werent sure just how much he really understood about why we were punishing him. We were (and still really are,) clueless.
So, in the midst of learning how to manage our little one, we were introduced to a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Essentially, the basis of this book is learning how to give your child choices (that you can live with) and teaching him/her how to use their brain when in a situation that calls for a different response than the one they have used. The ideas behind this text are wonderful! I think they will be a great asset to us, but not until Bennett starts to use language more and begins to be able to reason. (around 3+). If you have preschoolers around this age, I highly recommend it.
This book just wasnt working for us. We then tried the "counting method." When Bennett was doing something we didnt want him to do, like whining, we would give him a "1" if he didnt stop, 5 seconds later, he got a "2" and if he still continued to do whatever it was he got a "3" and 2 minutes of bedroom time (time out). This seemed to work okay for a couple of days and then he just became immune to it. He didnt mind bedroom time because there are toys in his bedroom he can play with. He would just walk inside his bedroom, turn to me and say "bye bye." :/
After two attempts at discipline (in ways that didnt come natural to me,) I decided to try one last thing. I just happened to come across the book Parenting By the Book by John Rosemond on the ABCJLM preschool curriculum creators blog. She raved about it, so I thought we would give it a go. Rosemond's claim is that the reason that children are so "out of control" these days is because we have stopped disciplining them in the way that our grandparents and great grandparents disciplined their children. We have become child-centered families instead of God-centered families. We center our lives, marriages, etc. around our children. This kind of focus leads to children who feel entitled, and are in a sense, "out of control." My eyes have been opened to how we have been listening for so long to all this nonsense about parenting, when we have the greatest resourse at our fingertips: the Bible! Rosemond teaches about how we must turn back to the scripture and rely on the Lord for guidance when it comes to raising and disciplining our children, not some psychologist that just wants to give a diagnosis. I am only about 3/4 of the way through this, but let me tell you, I am excited to finish it and use what Ive learned!
And to each of you I say, good luck and happy parenting!
So, in the midst of learning how to manage our little one, we were introduced to a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Essentially, the basis of this book is learning how to give your child choices (that you can live with) and teaching him/her how to use their brain when in a situation that calls for a different response than the one they have used. The ideas behind this text are wonderful! I think they will be a great asset to us, but not until Bennett starts to use language more and begins to be able to reason. (around 3+). If you have preschoolers around this age, I highly recommend it.
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| You can find it on Amazon for fairly cheap here:http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002 |
This book just wasnt working for us. We then tried the "counting method." When Bennett was doing something we didnt want him to do, like whining, we would give him a "1" if he didnt stop, 5 seconds later, he got a "2" and if he still continued to do whatever it was he got a "3" and 2 minutes of bedroom time (time out). This seemed to work okay for a couple of days and then he just became immune to it. He didnt mind bedroom time because there are toys in his bedroom he can play with. He would just walk inside his bedroom, turn to me and say "bye bye." :/
After two attempts at discipline (in ways that didnt come natural to me,) I decided to try one last thing. I just happened to come across the book Parenting By the Book by John Rosemond on the ABCJLM preschool curriculum creators blog. She raved about it, so I thought we would give it a go. Rosemond's claim is that the reason that children are so "out of control" these days is because we have stopped disciplining them in the way that our grandparents and great grandparents disciplined their children. We have become child-centered families instead of God-centered families. We center our lives, marriages, etc. around our children. This kind of focus leads to children who feel entitled, and are in a sense, "out of control." My eyes have been opened to how we have been listening for so long to all this nonsense about parenting, when we have the greatest resourse at our fingertips: the Bible! Rosemond teaches about how we must turn back to the scripture and rely on the Lord for guidance when it comes to raising and disciplining our children, not some psychologist that just wants to give a diagnosis. I am only about 3/4 of the way through this, but let me tell you, I am excited to finish it and use what Ive learned!
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| This can be found on Amazon as well: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Book-Biblical-Wisdom-Raising/dp/1416544844/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367090240&sr=1-1&keywords=parenting+by+the+book
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Tuesday, March 12, 2013
A lot to say, a little time
WOW! It has been SO long since I have posted. Life has been a whirlwind in the past 4 months. It seems that after we brought Amelia home, life has been non-stop. We have officially given up our search to buy a home. We moved into the townhouses on campus (family housing). Bennett got sick with Croup. Milly got RSV. Kyle and I both got something as well. Kyle is mid-semester of his 3rd semester here at SWBTS. I am in the beginning of my second 8-week masters course in ED Tech. ( I made an A in my first one!!!) Bennett is now 19 months old! My first born, my baby boy is on his way to being TWO! It makes me cry every time I think about it. Time goes by so fast when you have babies. Milly is 1/3 of a year old.
Kyle has applied for a corporate position at QT again. The actual title is "Tax and License Analyst." Doesnt that sound fun? ;) As much as I do not want to move back to Oklahoma any time soon, (really, just Tulsa,) it would be nice to be around family. I have to say that I really, really like Fort Worth. It took me a while to get here, but its become our home. We had our baby girl here. Not to mention all the people we have met that we have come to know and love.
Ive recently chosen to try and steer our family towards a healthier, more active lifestyle. We made the decision to become Advocare distributers, and I think that had a lot to do with it. I also have become very concious of the things I am feeding my husband and babies. I want to serve them as much of a organic, non-gmo diet as we can possibly afford. It is important to me that we are putting good, wholesome things into our bodies.
Please be praying for us as we should know within a week or so whether or not Kyle will get an interview for this position. There will be a lot of different dynamics we will have to learn how to deal with when (and IF) we move back to OK. We hadnt been planning on moving back, so we havent been saving to move. I am also just particularly concerned on how relationships will change (for the good and the bad) if we move back. We are so used to being several hours away, and being really, on our own that I think moving back and being closer to family will be hard in some ways.
We want to make sure that we are following the Lords leading, and that if its time for us to move on, we will see that. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for our family and not what we think our extended family will want us to do. We know that its hard on everyone with us being so far away, but we also want to preserve the good relationships we do have, even if it means staying here.
Kyle has applied for a corporate position at QT again. The actual title is "Tax and License Analyst." Doesnt that sound fun? ;) As much as I do not want to move back to Oklahoma any time soon, (really, just Tulsa,) it would be nice to be around family. I have to say that I really, really like Fort Worth. It took me a while to get here, but its become our home. We had our baby girl here. Not to mention all the people we have met that we have come to know and love.
Ive recently chosen to try and steer our family towards a healthier, more active lifestyle. We made the decision to become Advocare distributers, and I think that had a lot to do with it. I also have become very concious of the things I am feeding my husband and babies. I want to serve them as much of a organic, non-gmo diet as we can possibly afford. It is important to me that we are putting good, wholesome things into our bodies.
Please be praying for us as we should know within a week or so whether or not Kyle will get an interview for this position. There will be a lot of different dynamics we will have to learn how to deal with when (and IF) we move back to OK. We hadnt been planning on moving back, so we havent been saving to move. I am also just particularly concerned on how relationships will change (for the good and the bad) if we move back. We are so used to being several hours away, and being really, on our own that I think moving back and being closer to family will be hard in some ways.
We want to make sure that we are following the Lords leading, and that if its time for us to move on, we will see that. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for our family and not what we think our extended family will want us to do. We know that its hard on everyone with us being so far away, but we also want to preserve the good relationships we do have, even if it means staying here.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Changes
This time a month ago, I was impatiently awaiting the arrival of our little girl. Enduring braxton hicks contractions, knowing that my body was already preparing for her arrival...not understanding why she hadnt made her appearance yet. My midwives and nurses were astounded at the fact that I had not delivered. On Halloween, when asking a nurse whether or not I should have our families make the drive to Fort Worth that night she responded "Do you want them there for the delivery? If so, you should tell them to come right away." Its hard to believe that in just 5 days, our little one will be a month old.
Saying that our life has changed would be an understatement, but its true. There is nothing now that is anything like it was before. Our relationships have changed, our daily activities have changed, our dinner times, our social lives, everything has changed. Kyle and I dont have near the time together that we had before Milly was born, and even then it was limited. We dont have near the time to spend with Bennett as our attention is always divided. We are exhausted. Its a challenge to cook dinner, to clean house, to take showers...its a challenge to find time to eat (for me), a challenge to remember to brush my teeth, to shave my legs..and its worth every bit of a challenge, every bit of change, and every amount of time it takes to raise two children. The joy in our lives has doubled, the love we get to share has doubled, the excitement of being able to see our children grow and change and develop has doubled. There is nothing in the world like being a parent.
To talk a bit about Milly, she was born on November 6th at 12:37pm. She was 8 pounds and 20 inches long. I was scheduled for induction that morning, but I am convinced that I was already in the early stages of labor as we went in to the hospital. Upon arriving and getting checked in, filling out paperwork and discussing medical history with the nurse I had dialated to a 4. We discussed my options, whether or not I wanted to be given pitocin or have my water broke. We decided we wanted to break my water and see how my body responded. At 9 am, my midwife came in and broke my water. I had been having contractions (that didnt hurt) up to this point, but once my water was broken, they started coming really quickly and were really intense. At 9:30 am, they were so bad that I asked for my epidural. Some time around 10:30, I was checked again and delighted to find that I had progressed to an 8. My nurse told me to make sure and call them if at any time I felt like I needed to push. Not long after she left, I began to feel more pressure, but didnt want to call them back in to early. A little before noon, I called my nurses in, was checked and told that it was time to push. By this time, Milly was already crowning. I think the nurses were nervous they were going to have to deliver her because one of them pulled out her cell to call the midwife about the time she walked in. I pushed for about 30 minutes and Milly was born at 12:37.
We only spent one night in the hospital, and came home Wednesday evening around 5:00 pm. Kyle was home with me for almost a week and a half after that.
Since Milly's birth, it has definitely been an experience learning how to manange a household with another child, but its been awesome. I never knew that mommies were capapble of loving so much, but I love my babies more than anything in the world. I cant wait to see what the next 18 years have to hold.
I attemped to have a photo shoot with Milly this afternoon since we didnt have newborn pictures done. Here is one of the cute ones I happened to get.
Saying that our life has changed would be an understatement, but its true. There is nothing now that is anything like it was before. Our relationships have changed, our daily activities have changed, our dinner times, our social lives, everything has changed. Kyle and I dont have near the time together that we had before Milly was born, and even then it was limited. We dont have near the time to spend with Bennett as our attention is always divided. We are exhausted. Its a challenge to cook dinner, to clean house, to take showers...its a challenge to find time to eat (for me), a challenge to remember to brush my teeth, to shave my legs..and its worth every bit of a challenge, every bit of change, and every amount of time it takes to raise two children. The joy in our lives has doubled, the love we get to share has doubled, the excitement of being able to see our children grow and change and develop has doubled. There is nothing in the world like being a parent.
To talk a bit about Milly, she was born on November 6th at 12:37pm. She was 8 pounds and 20 inches long. I was scheduled for induction that morning, but I am convinced that I was already in the early stages of labor as we went in to the hospital. Upon arriving and getting checked in, filling out paperwork and discussing medical history with the nurse I had dialated to a 4. We discussed my options, whether or not I wanted to be given pitocin or have my water broke. We decided we wanted to break my water and see how my body responded. At 9 am, my midwife came in and broke my water. I had been having contractions (that didnt hurt) up to this point, but once my water was broken, they started coming really quickly and were really intense. At 9:30 am, they were so bad that I asked for my epidural. Some time around 10:30, I was checked again and delighted to find that I had progressed to an 8. My nurse told me to make sure and call them if at any time I felt like I needed to push. Not long after she left, I began to feel more pressure, but didnt want to call them back in to early. A little before noon, I called my nurses in, was checked and told that it was time to push. By this time, Milly was already crowning. I think the nurses were nervous they were going to have to deliver her because one of them pulled out her cell to call the midwife about the time she walked in. I pushed for about 30 minutes and Milly was born at 12:37.
We only spent one night in the hospital, and came home Wednesday evening around 5:00 pm. Kyle was home with me for almost a week and a half after that.
Since Milly's birth, it has definitely been an experience learning how to manange a household with another child, but its been awesome. I never knew that mommies were capapble of loving so much, but I love my babies more than anything in the world. I cant wait to see what the next 18 years have to hold.
I attemped to have a photo shoot with Milly this afternoon since we didnt have newborn pictures done. Here is one of the cute ones I happened to get.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monkey'in Around for Halloween
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| Decorating cookies! |
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| Soooo Good! |
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| Our last picture as a family of three! |
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| He was having too much fun.. |
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Any Time Now
I went to the doctor yesterday. I am at a 3 and 50% effaced! The midwife said she expected me to go into labor any time, and that she definitely didnt expect to see me for another appointment! I am so stinking excited, but ready to get this show on the road too. After she said I could potentially go into labor any time, I became SUPER impatient for Milly to get here. I have been having pretty regular contractions (without pain) which is how it started with Bennett, but this pregnancy is already different in the way my body has/is progressing. With Bennett, I was at a 1 and about 25% effaced when I went into labor. They kept me at the hospital when I had finally made it to a 3, so you can imagine Im wondering what in the world my body is doing this time! Knowing that we are really close to welcoming Milly into our family is super nervewracking though! I think we have everything planned/scheduled/arranged for our time in the hospital. Our sweet neighbors Kevin and Anna are going to keep Bennett until Kyle's parents and sister get here and then they are going to take over until its time for me to push and then they are coming up to the hospital. We have talked with the midwives about our labor plan (and I have one typed up,) our bags are packed, the car seat is in the car, the diaper bag is packed, bottles are sanitized just in case I decide to formula feed...everyone has been notified of the impending arrival of our little one and now we are just waiting.
Ive decided that I want Bennett to be the first person after me, Kyle and my mom to see Milly. I want him to be able to see her and I want to see him before we are bombarded with everyone else in the delivery room. Its just important to me that we get time together as a family before the rest of our family comes in. I cant wait to experience those sweet moments together. I think Im almost more nervous about spending so much time away from Bennett than I am about giving birth. He is STILL my baby even though we are bringing another little one into the family. That boy just has my heart like no one else. Among all the other things Im excited about, I cant wait to see Kyle with Milly. He is already silly about this little girl and she isnt even here yet. I can imagine the love that a daddy has for his little girl is like the love I have for my little boy. Now, Im not saying that I wont love Milly just as much as I love Bennett, and likewise for Kyle, but I think it will be a different, equal kind of love. (I guess we will see)
I have pictures from cookie decorating that I need to upload! I hope to get to it before Milly gets here, but if we (I) am lucky, my next post should be announcing her birth! Here's to hoping..
Ive decided that I want Bennett to be the first person after me, Kyle and my mom to see Milly. I want him to be able to see her and I want to see him before we are bombarded with everyone else in the delivery room. Its just important to me that we get time together as a family before the rest of our family comes in. I cant wait to experience those sweet moments together. I think Im almost more nervous about spending so much time away from Bennett than I am about giving birth. He is STILL my baby even though we are bringing another little one into the family. That boy just has my heart like no one else. Among all the other things Im excited about, I cant wait to see Kyle with Milly. He is already silly about this little girl and she isnt even here yet. I can imagine the love that a daddy has for his little girl is like the love I have for my little boy. Now, Im not saying that I wont love Milly just as much as I love Bennett, and likewise for Kyle, but I think it will be a different, equal kind of love. (I guess we will see)
I have pictures from cookie decorating that I need to upload! I hope to get to it before Milly gets here, but if we (I) am lucky, my next post should be announcing her birth! Here's to hoping..
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