Confessions..

Looking at my baby boy sleeping peacefully during his nap really got me to thinking about my parenting style and how that will affect our little ones down the road. You see, I have to confess, I am an "its all black and white, right or wrong, listen to me the first time or you will get swatted" kind of parent. I'm a stickler for obedience-quick obedience which almost always leads me to getting more frustrated than I should when Bennett misbehaves. I sometimes worry that I'm not kind or gentle enough. I worry that I don't spend enough time holding, rocking, singing to, reading to and loving on my babies. I worry that I spend too much time being strict with them and not enough time indulging them. (Don't get me wrong, ice cream every day will never be okay, but once a week-maybe?) I have so many things I want for our children, and probably just as many that I don't. Most of all, I want them to grow up to love the Lord, but I also want them to be competent, intelligent, kind, humble, beautiful (on the inside) people that contribute to the world. The hard part though...how do I parent these children in a way that they grow up to be those people? Is my strict nature going to lead to hard hearted people that can only see black and white? Will my desire for immediate obedience grow adults that are obedient to a fault? Will my own faults (being quick to anger, wearing my emotions on my sleeves,) lead to children and later on adults that function the same way? I tire myself when thinking about how my reactions/decisions etc. will help to shape my children into the people they will be one day.

So, I want to be more intentional in how I parent. I want to be conscious of how I react to things and how that influences our kids. I want to learn how to better communicate with Kyle so our children learn to be good communicators. I want to learn to allow myself to fail without beating myself up about it so our children can learn to do the same. I want to teach Amelia that weight is not directly proportionate to beauty. I want to teach Bennett to be kind. I want to be more kind, more gentle, more loving, more caring, more compassionate. These little humans that the Lord has blessed me with are only mine for a short time. Someday, when I get to heaven, I want the Lord to say to me "well done, good and faithful servant" for how we raised our children. They are the greatest gifts we will ever receive other than our salvation, and I hope that I can help grow them in a way that would make the Father proud.