Looking at my baby boy sleeping peacefully during his nap really got me to thinking about my parenting style and how that will affect our little ones down the road. You see, I have to confess, I am an "its all black and white, right or wrong, listen to me the first time or you will get swatted" kind of parent. I'm a stickler for obedience-quick obedience which almost always leads me to getting more frustrated than I should when Bennett misbehaves. I sometimes worry that I'm not kind or gentle enough. I worry that I don't spend enough time holding, rocking, singing to, reading to and loving on my babies. I worry that I spend too much time being strict with them and not enough time indulging them. (Don't get me wrong, ice cream every day will never be okay, but once a week-maybe?) I have so many things I want for our children, and probably just as many that I don't. Most of all, I want them to grow up to love the Lord, but I also want them to be competent, intelligent, kind, humble, beautiful (on the inside) people that contribute to the world. The hard part though...how do I parent these children in a way that they grow up to be those people? Is my strict nature going to lead to hard hearted people that can only see black and white? Will my desire for immediate obedience grow adults that are obedient to a fault? Will my own faults (being quick to anger, wearing my emotions on my sleeves,) lead to children and later on adults that function the same way? I tire myself when thinking about how my reactions/decisions etc. will help to shape my children into the people they will be one day.
So, I want to be more intentional in how I parent. I want to be conscious of how I react to things and how that influences our kids. I want to learn how to better communicate with Kyle so our children learn to be good communicators. I want to learn to allow myself to fail without beating myself up about it so our children can learn to do the same. I want to teach Amelia that weight is not directly proportionate to beauty. I want to teach Bennett to be kind. I want to be more kind, more gentle, more loving, more caring, more compassionate. These little humans that the Lord has blessed me with are only mine for a short time. Someday, when I get to heaven, I want the Lord to say to me "well done, good and faithful servant" for how we raised our children. They are the greatest gifts we will ever receive other than our salvation, and I hope that I can help grow them in a way that would make the Father proud.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
School Doesn't Teach You How to be a Parent.
Lately I have been wishing there was a mandatory class you have to take before becoming a parent. We have recently been getting into the "discipline-woes" as I like to call them. With SO much text out there on parenting and discipline, you have to wonder: "Where do I start?!!" We began our journey of learning how to discipline Bennett by just winging it. It didnt take us long to learn that our strong-willed, hard-headed, and very independent (almost 21 month old) wasnt responding to what we were doing. We were at a loss as whether or not to spank, to explain to him what he did wrong, to give choices, etc. We werent sure just how much he really understood about why we were punishing him. We were (and still really are,) clueless.
So, in the midst of learning how to manage our little one, we were introduced to a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Essentially, the basis of this book is learning how to give your child choices (that you can live with) and teaching him/her how to use their brain when in a situation that calls for a different response than the one they have used. The ideas behind this text are wonderful! I think they will be a great asset to us, but not until Bennett starts to use language more and begins to be able to reason. (around 3+). If you have preschoolers around this age, I highly recommend it.
This book just wasnt working for us. We then tried the "counting method." When Bennett was doing something we didnt want him to do, like whining, we would give him a "1" if he didnt stop, 5 seconds later, he got a "2" and if he still continued to do whatever it was he got a "3" and 2 minutes of bedroom time (time out). This seemed to work okay for a couple of days and then he just became immune to it. He didnt mind bedroom time because there are toys in his bedroom he can play with. He would just walk inside his bedroom, turn to me and say "bye bye." :/
After two attempts at discipline (in ways that didnt come natural to me,) I decided to try one last thing. I just happened to come across the book Parenting By the Book by John Rosemond on the ABCJLM preschool curriculum creators blog. She raved about it, so I thought we would give it a go. Rosemond's claim is that the reason that children are so "out of control" these days is because we have stopped disciplining them in the way that our grandparents and great grandparents disciplined their children. We have become child-centered families instead of God-centered families. We center our lives, marriages, etc. around our children. This kind of focus leads to children who feel entitled, and are in a sense, "out of control." My eyes have been opened to how we have been listening for so long to all this nonsense about parenting, when we have the greatest resourse at our fingertips: the Bible! Rosemond teaches about how we must turn back to the scripture and rely on the Lord for guidance when it comes to raising and disciplining our children, not some psychologist that just wants to give a diagnosis. I am only about 3/4 of the way through this, but let me tell you, I am excited to finish it and use what Ive learned!
And to each of you I say, good luck and happy parenting!
So, in the midst of learning how to manage our little one, we were introduced to a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Essentially, the basis of this book is learning how to give your child choices (that you can live with) and teaching him/her how to use their brain when in a situation that calls for a different response than the one they have used. The ideas behind this text are wonderful! I think they will be a great asset to us, but not until Bennett starts to use language more and begins to be able to reason. (around 3+). If you have preschoolers around this age, I highly recommend it.
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| You can find it on Amazon for fairly cheap here:http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002 |
This book just wasnt working for us. We then tried the "counting method." When Bennett was doing something we didnt want him to do, like whining, we would give him a "1" if he didnt stop, 5 seconds later, he got a "2" and if he still continued to do whatever it was he got a "3" and 2 minutes of bedroom time (time out). This seemed to work okay for a couple of days and then he just became immune to it. He didnt mind bedroom time because there are toys in his bedroom he can play with. He would just walk inside his bedroom, turn to me and say "bye bye." :/
After two attempts at discipline (in ways that didnt come natural to me,) I decided to try one last thing. I just happened to come across the book Parenting By the Book by John Rosemond on the ABCJLM preschool curriculum creators blog. She raved about it, so I thought we would give it a go. Rosemond's claim is that the reason that children are so "out of control" these days is because we have stopped disciplining them in the way that our grandparents and great grandparents disciplined their children. We have become child-centered families instead of God-centered families. We center our lives, marriages, etc. around our children. This kind of focus leads to children who feel entitled, and are in a sense, "out of control." My eyes have been opened to how we have been listening for so long to all this nonsense about parenting, when we have the greatest resourse at our fingertips: the Bible! Rosemond teaches about how we must turn back to the scripture and rely on the Lord for guidance when it comes to raising and disciplining our children, not some psychologist that just wants to give a diagnosis. I am only about 3/4 of the way through this, but let me tell you, I am excited to finish it and use what Ive learned!
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| This can be found on Amazon as well: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Book-Biblical-Wisdom-Raising/dp/1416544844/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367090240&sr=1-1&keywords=parenting+by+the+book
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Tuesday, March 12, 2013
A lot to say, a little time
WOW! It has been SO long since I have posted. Life has been a whirlwind in the past 4 months. It seems that after we brought Amelia home, life has been non-stop. We have officially given up our search to buy a home. We moved into the townhouses on campus (family housing). Bennett got sick with Croup. Milly got RSV. Kyle and I both got something as well. Kyle is mid-semester of his 3rd semester here at SWBTS. I am in the beginning of my second 8-week masters course in ED Tech. ( I made an A in my first one!!!) Bennett is now 19 months old! My first born, my baby boy is on his way to being TWO! It makes me cry every time I think about it. Time goes by so fast when you have babies. Milly is 1/3 of a year old.
Kyle has applied for a corporate position at QT again. The actual title is "Tax and License Analyst." Doesnt that sound fun? ;) As much as I do not want to move back to Oklahoma any time soon, (really, just Tulsa,) it would be nice to be around family. I have to say that I really, really like Fort Worth. It took me a while to get here, but its become our home. We had our baby girl here. Not to mention all the people we have met that we have come to know and love.
Ive recently chosen to try and steer our family towards a healthier, more active lifestyle. We made the decision to become Advocare distributers, and I think that had a lot to do with it. I also have become very concious of the things I am feeding my husband and babies. I want to serve them as much of a organic, non-gmo diet as we can possibly afford. It is important to me that we are putting good, wholesome things into our bodies.
Please be praying for us as we should know within a week or so whether or not Kyle will get an interview for this position. There will be a lot of different dynamics we will have to learn how to deal with when (and IF) we move back to OK. We hadnt been planning on moving back, so we havent been saving to move. I am also just particularly concerned on how relationships will change (for the good and the bad) if we move back. We are so used to being several hours away, and being really, on our own that I think moving back and being closer to family will be hard in some ways.
We want to make sure that we are following the Lords leading, and that if its time for us to move on, we will see that. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for our family and not what we think our extended family will want us to do. We know that its hard on everyone with us being so far away, but we also want to preserve the good relationships we do have, even if it means staying here.
Kyle has applied for a corporate position at QT again. The actual title is "Tax and License Analyst." Doesnt that sound fun? ;) As much as I do not want to move back to Oklahoma any time soon, (really, just Tulsa,) it would be nice to be around family. I have to say that I really, really like Fort Worth. It took me a while to get here, but its become our home. We had our baby girl here. Not to mention all the people we have met that we have come to know and love.
Ive recently chosen to try and steer our family towards a healthier, more active lifestyle. We made the decision to become Advocare distributers, and I think that had a lot to do with it. I also have become very concious of the things I am feeding my husband and babies. I want to serve them as much of a organic, non-gmo diet as we can possibly afford. It is important to me that we are putting good, wholesome things into our bodies.
Please be praying for us as we should know within a week or so whether or not Kyle will get an interview for this position. There will be a lot of different dynamics we will have to learn how to deal with when (and IF) we move back to OK. We hadnt been planning on moving back, so we havent been saving to move. I am also just particularly concerned on how relationships will change (for the good and the bad) if we move back. We are so used to being several hours away, and being really, on our own that I think moving back and being closer to family will be hard in some ways.
We want to make sure that we are following the Lords leading, and that if its time for us to move on, we will see that. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for our family and not what we think our extended family will want us to do. We know that its hard on everyone with us being so far away, but we also want to preserve the good relationships we do have, even if it means staying here.
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